Getting to Yes

Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

A short, steady guide to making deals where both sides can walk away satisfied, without being pushed around and without pushing back too hard.

Who should read this

Read it if you ever have to agree a price, a deadline, a role, a rent or a split with someone you will deal with again. That covers owners and managers, but also freelancers, job seekers, students dealing with group work, and anyone who has haggled with a supplier or sat through a tense family talk about money.

It also helps if you tend to go to one of two extremes. Some people give in to keep the peace. Others dig in and treat every talk as a fight. This book is for both. It says there is a third way, and it is quite plain.

The problem it solves

When two people disagree, they usually do the same thing. Each states what they want. Each defends it. Each gives up a little at a time, and the deal lands somewhere in the middle. It feels fair, but it is slow, it is tiring, and it often leaves both sides a bit resentful.

The book asks whether there is a better way to run the talk itself. Not a trick to beat the other side, but a method that works whether they are friendly or hard, and that leaves the relationship in one piece. The authors call it principled negotiation.

Why it matters

Everyone negotiates, even people who say they do not. You do it when you settle who does which job, what a project will cost, or when something will be delivered. Small gains here add up over the years, and so do small losses.

The book is also a rare case of a practical guide with an academic base. It came out of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a research group at Harvard. According to a figure on Ury's own website (as of 2022), it has sold about 15 million copies and been translated into more than 35 languages, and many courses and companies use its terms. Even if you never read it, you may have heard the word BATNA. This is where it comes from.

Key ideas

• There are three ways to negotiate: soft, hard and principled. The book argues for the third.
• Treat the other person as a partner in solving a problem, not as an opponent.
• Look at interests (the reasons) and not positions (the stated demands).
• Brainstorm options before you decide anything, and do it without judging.
• Use fair, outside standards to settle what is left, instead of a contest of will.
• Work out your BATNA, your best alternative if there is no deal. It is your real source of strength.
• When the other side plays hard or dirty, do not punish them or give in. Change the game.